Fan Letter to Nicole Byer of the “Why Won’t You Date Me?” Podcast

Hi, Nicole,

I just want to let you know how much your podcast means to me. When it first popped up in my “Different Voices” feed (yes, it was during Black History Month) I was in the middle of a significant depression. I’d lost my mother five months prior and I was suffering from anxiety, insomnia, and loneliness, the latter of which was exacerbated by the fact I couldn’t freaking find any men to date. So the title of your podcast “Why Won’t You Date Me?” totally jumped out at me. I was like, “What? It’s not just me? I’m not ALONE?!”

Since I started listening to your podcast, I have gained a whole new perspective on this dating thing. Like, realizing that dating apps are not ideal for anybody, and BTW, men have the same demoralizing experiences and insecurities that women do. Listening to you and your guests’ stories of dates gone awry gave me the courage (yes, courage, my therapist couldn’t believe it, either) to finally try a dating app. Because, seriously, I was going out every weekend and not meeting anybody in real life, so it was time to do something drastic.

Empty Tequila shot glass.
The day I drafted my online dating profile, my friend texted me a picture of her Margarita, I texted her back this picture of my Tequila shot. Notice the shot glass is already empty. Necessary for creating an online dating bio.

I joined Bumble, got to go on a few dates (for the first time in ages), got laid (again, for the first time in ages), and have cheered up considerably. Okay, sure, things have slowed down since those first few weeks: one of the guys pulled a disappearing act, several matches never responded to my initial message, and even more matches just wanted to chat until I invited them to meet up, and then crickets. (What is up with that?)

But, hey. As Samantha Irby would say, shit’s dire out here, man. Despite all that, I pick myself up and continue on my quest, in no small part because of the honest, vulnerable, smart, real talk I hear on your podcast every week. When the rejections and bad dates start to get me down, I just have to think of or replay one of your episodes, and my spirits lift, my ego rallies, and I keep going. At least now I’m in the game, and I know I’m doing everything I possibly can to get what I want.

Thank you for creating this podcast. It literally changed my life.

Fan forever,


2 thoughts on “Fan Letter to Nicole Byer of the “Why Won’t You Date Me?” Podcast

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